Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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