some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize