I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
