My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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