it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
