I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
