As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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