well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize