how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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