I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
