How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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