Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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