now i know why i became what i already was.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
