I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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