Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
