I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
