the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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