Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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