I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
