dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
