swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
