his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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