I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
