I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
