sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize