don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
