My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
