the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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