we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want a musical about memes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
