I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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