I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
