Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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