Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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