Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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