so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, beer. Big fan.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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