They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
