i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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