Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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