Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
