Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
