He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
