I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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