so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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