I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize