Already got asked if we're dating
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My penis needs a shock collar
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
