chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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