Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
