I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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