Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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