I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
