we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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