Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
