I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
