so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
