somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
