Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
