I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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