ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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