SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
