I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
