Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
