On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
