i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
