I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
