why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dignity is for republicans.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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