and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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