I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize