Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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