I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
