so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
