I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
