Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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