just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
