I wish my penis had an off switch
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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