Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
