I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
