I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
false alarm, still single
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
