32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
