wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The uberlube is also flammable
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
