I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
