Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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