I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
