Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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