So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
