Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Randomize
