My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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