i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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