I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
