Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
