hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
