And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
