You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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