WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
