I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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