Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
