So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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