u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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