I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
