Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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