if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
