Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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