i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize